Month: February 2018

It’s not the end, it’s only the beginning!

When the last bottle of leftover Champagne has been popped, the final guests have returned home, and you’ve found a home and written a thank you card for each of your thoughtful wedding gifts, it’s common for sadness to set in.

To begin with, you are SO not alone. Post-wedding blues are a real thing, with brides and grooms frequently feeling deflated, and even mildly “depressed” after the wedding.

For many newlywed couples, the change of pace (and excitement) from a year or more of wedding planning can be a significant one. After all the planning and anticipation, it all suddenly stops. Even if the day lived up to every dream you ever had, there seems a lot less to ‘look forward’ to. This can lead to disappointment and stress, and conflict can arise even where there isn’t really anything to fight over – you’re just a bit bored.

The good news is, it’s not marriage, or your new spouse that’s boring, you just need to get some excitement back into your lives. First, understand why you’re feeling like this…

What are the Post-Wedding Blues?

Why do so many brides feel empty and sad after the wedding is over?

There are a few main reasons for the post-wedding blues. The first, and hardest, is where couples don’t feel as though their expectations were met. Being let down by guests, vendors or the day itself is less common, but it does happen.

If your expectations weren’t met

First, discuss your experience with your husband. Do you both feel the same? Has a vendor disappointed you, and if so, is there possible recourse in your contract? If the disappointment came from family or other guests, ask yourselves if the issue is big enough to warrant a discussion with them?

If the wedding wasn’t “perfect”

However, if the wedding just doesn’t feel like it went “perfectly” you may want to consider if you’re setting yourself up to feel like this. We have a cultural obsession with being perfect – the perfect body, perfect job, the perfect man, the perfect wedding, but perfect doesn’t truly exist in any of those things.

Instead of remembering on what didn’t go perfectly, shift your focus to recall all the best parts of the wedding – what made you really happy on the day, your favourite moments, the tears and the laughter. It may even help to write about your day. Take a notebook, your journal or begin I still do where there’s an entire chapter on your wedding memories. Write about what was good, what was beautiful, and the moments most memorable – for all the right reasons. By affirming positivity around those, you can effectively shift the focus away from the let-downs. Acknowledge them, and then let them go.

You’ve feel as though you have nothing to look forward to

The build up and anticipation of your wedding day isn’t only months or a year in the making – you may have been dreaming of this day since you were a little girl (or boy). So when it’s over, that dream, however it worked out, is gone, and you no longer have such a momentous occasion to look forward to. It may seem counterintuitive to be sad after the best day ever, but it’s also understandable – if that was ‘the best’ day then what is next?

If you think you may feel like this after your wedding (and you’re reading this in advance) consider booking your honeymoon a short time after, creating a buffer zone between the two, and a secondary occasion to look forward to.

Quite simply? You need a plan. Whether it’s a holiday in a year, a hot date next Friday, or the fitness/dancing/yoga/arts/theatre programme you’ve been wanting to enrol in, you need to get yourself back into something structured. You need to have something to look forward to, both week to week, and in the long term. Plan catch-ups with your guests and go over your wedding photos and their memories of the day too, and relive your favourite moments over and over again.

Talk to your husband – no, really talk. Talk about the future. What do you look forward to most – whether 5, 10, 15 or 50 years from now, where do you see your lives heading? Focus on the good, and the future – you’re likely to have more of your income to yourselves now too, enjoy that!

Real life is boring

You had SO MUCH TO DO. Parties, Budgetting, Planning, DIY, Dance lessons and more – every moment over the last few months was FULL, and now you’re sitting around with a cup of tea in the evenings and no wedding to plan. Believe me, I get it. Maybe you loved the attention that being engaged and planning a wedding entices, or maybe you were putting off a big life decision or stressful investment until after the wedding, and nothing else seems quite as fun any more.

You need to get yourself out of this rut – it’s not marriage that’s boring you, it’s lethargy and absence of excitement.

You need to bring the excitement back into the everyday. Make dinner at home special, or plan a weekend FULL of activities together, down to the hour if you have to: walk to cafe for coffee; drive to local vege markets and shop and eat til lunch; grab a sandwich and sit on the beach or a park for an hour; head to K Mart (!!); unpack all your fresh veges and make meal plans for the week; go to the movies/netflix & chill!… whatever it takes, just Get Busy!

Get Some Perspective

Even when you’re busy, have something to look forward to, and can look back on your wedding with total satisfaction, the reality is that marriage is different to wedding planning, but your marriage is much more important. Start talking about what’s happening next, what married life means to you and what your next life transitions might be. Focusing on what happens after the big day, and getting excited about your next steps will help significantly diminish any depressive or deflated feelings.

If your feelings continue, don’t be afraid to seek counselling.

Remember and Relive your Wedding Day

To be honest, I didn’t feel too deflated after our wedding. While the anticipation was the most exciting thing I’d ever been through, it was nothing compared to the warmth, security and happiness I felt at having accomplished a beautiful wedding, and marrying the person I loved most.

A wedding is a single day, a beautiful and exciting one, and one to look back on with love, but there is so much more beyond it. Write down your feelings, reflect on your photos, but remember why you couldn’t wait to marry your special person too – to spend the rest of your lives together.

Feelings like these inspired me to create I still do, the perfect life and marriage planner to take you from “I do” well into the future, while reflecting on your Big Day. 

You’re engaged!
Congratulations!

If you’re looking for how to find a Wellington wedding venue – Wellington City, Lower Hutt, Wairarapa, Cape Palliser, Martinborough or Kapiti Coast – then you’re in the right place! (Not looking for a wedding venue in the Wellington region? see the wedding venue guide.)

Once you’ve started your wedding budget and guest list, it’s time to find the wedding venue for your dream day! If you haven’t looked at those two yet, I suggest you head back to first steps to plan a wedding. You can also make wedding planning easier right from the beginning with the little white book and wedding planning pack.

Find and choose a Wellington Wedding Venue

• Where to begin searching for a wedding venue in Wellington, Lower Hutt, Wairarapa, Cape Palliser, Martinborough or Kapiti Coast;
• Locating potential wedding venues and seeking inspiration via photographers;
• How to choose between potential wedding venues;
• What to consider before you sign a wedding venue contract; and
• Suggestions for Wellington region wedding venues.

Getting married in Wellington

We are just so spoiled for choices of wedding venues in New Zealand, and Wellingtonians are some of the luckiest kiwis when it comes to choosing a spot to get hitched – the Capital is such a unique, creative and vibrant city.
Whether you’re looking for a wedding venue in Wellington city itself, further north towards Kapiti Coast or to Wairarapa, Martinborough or Cape Palliser, or somewhere in between, you have so many options in beautiful Wellington region. There is nothing better than Wellington on a sunny day, which is why it’s a stunning place to say “I Do” during wedding season.
The best thing about Wellington or the Wairarapa is that you are spoiled for choice. Whether you want a beach, church, garden, vineyard or an indoor wedding, there is definitely a venue for you, no matter the amount of guests or your style/theme. In all honesty, the hardest part about finding a venue here might be narrowing it down to only one.
Blair grew up in Wellington, and for a few years while we lived in Hawkes Bay and Bay of Plenty, we spent a lot of time in the region, so I’m fairly familiar with it and have even attended a couple of Wellington weddings myself.

Find Wedding Venues in Wellington

To find a beautiful wedding venue, my favourite method is to browse local photographers’ websites and go from there. Browse google, facebook, instagram, magazines and other New Zealand wedding blogs) for Wellington wedding photographers, and have a look at their portfolio. This gives you the ability to not only find a beautiful location, but also helps you to work out what style of photography, and perhaps even style of wedding you like.
Naturally, wedding photographers will feature their most beautiful weddings on their site, and you’re likely to come across venues you’ve never seen before too. Not only that, but you’ll discover the best local photography spots and hideaways nearby those wedding venues – which can be huge drawcards too, and help you choose a venue.

Wellington Wedding Photographers to Browse

To name just a couple of local photographers and some of their Wellington and Wairarapa wedding venue inspiration:
Sharisse Eberlein Photography
– Tarureka Estate, Wairarapa 
– Brackenridge Country Retreat and Spa, Martinborough
– The Landing at Home Bush, Masterton
Patina Photography
– The Milk Station, Otaki 
– Poppies, Martinborogh
– Old St Paul 
Of course, it doesn’t have to be a photographers’ website you start with, you could browse a local wedding planner’s work or begin with your favourite florist’s recent photos on instagram.
Another way of finding Wellington wedding venues of course is to ‘google’, and you will also be able to find some ‘Wellington wedding venue directories’ – like those on Our Wedding, for example. Wedding directories can be a great source of information, BUT, like magazines, they only feature those venues and vendors which pay for their inclusion – so it’s not going to provide you with a complete picture.
New Zealand Wedding Directory, Weddings Wairarapa,  My Wedding Guide are other examples. For a few cheap wedding venue options, consider the council websites which also provide hireage of event and function centres: Wellington City Council has around 12.

Comparing your Favourite wedding Venues

For more information, read How to Choose Wedding Venues: All-Inclusive, BYO or DIY
Once you’ve compiled a list of your favourite Wellington wedding venues, or even If you find it hard to choose between various locations try making a list of everything you like about each of them.
Create a table with the potential wedding venues or locations across the top, and all of their various favourable attributes in a list, then mark an X on whichever of the two is the best in each category.  Not only will you have a table full of X marks (and hopefully more in one column than the other) but you’ll have given each venue a serious thought, and thought about all the elements that are important to you.

You can also create a spreadsheet of the key attributes of each wedding venue you’re interested in, so that you can compare venues in terms of cost, available dates, restrictions, catering options, type, layout, and any other pros and cons which are relevant to you. If you are choosing between DIY/BYO or all inclusive venues, see the wedding venue guide.

Visit your favourite Wellington Wedding Venues

Prepared with your wedding venue research spreadsheets, as well as lists of all the below questions and considerations, make an appointment to visit your favourite wedding venue or a couple of those which appeal to you.
Email their coordinator to enquire about package and pricing options. Set out an email with any preferred dates or at least the month and days of the week, and the approximate number of guests you intend to have, and then only make an appointment to view if you can afford it. This also avoids potential disappointment in visiting the venue only to find that your date is already booked. It also gives you an insight into how helpful they may be to communicate with over email – a valuable part of wedding planning.
Around 12 months prior to the wedding is the ideal time to do so, so that you can see how the venue will look on your wedding day, and it is also a key booking to have in place early, so that you can organise everything else.

Wedding Venue Considerations

This list is an excerpt from the wedding planning pack, which includes all the questions you need to know and ask of each of your wedding vendors.

• Don’t book the first venue you see (your fiance isn’t the first man you ever met, is he?!), make sure to weigh up a couple and ensure you’re not just ‘getting it over with’!
• Consider all the venue’s options for photography, and always look at real weddings at the venue;
• Dates can book up quickly at popular venues, so call around to check on date availability before falling in love with a particular wedding venue only to find that the season is full;
• Ask for minimum spend or per-head cost during the initial phone call or visit, to ensure it’s within your price bracket;
• A more expensive venue but incredibly beautiful wedding venue might save you money on decor, flowers and lighting;
• Your venue will play a huge roll in determining the theme and ambiance of your wedding;
• An all-inclusive price will save you a lot of worry, but if that’s not possible, make sure you understand what is or is not included;
• Don’t be afraid to ask for a discount if you’re booking a weekday, last minute, etc.
• Consider a spot where your guests can ‘getaway’ for the weekend and turn it into a real holiday;
• Always have a contingency plan for weather, and if the only reason you like a venue is because it will be stunning on a perfect day, rethink this plan;
• Find out if the venue offers a wedding planner or organisation service;
• Ask if you’ll have exclusive use of the venue, and what time you can occupy it until;
• Take care before you sign on the dotted line – a wedding venue contract should be entered into with the consideration you’d give any other contract (can you tell I’m a lawyer).  Read every line and clause, discuss anything you don’t understand with the vendor (or a lawyer), and don’t feel pressured to sign straight away.  Some questions to ask before signing include:
  • What are the noise restrictions?
  • Does the venue have an events manager?
  • Where can your guests stay nearby?
  • Can you bring in whatever outside vendors you want?
  • Are the kitchen facilities available for those vendors?
  • Is there tableware included?
  • How many tables fit into the room?
  • What is the sound system provided?
  • Is it a licensed venue? What time does the licence go until?
  • Is there enough lighting provided?
  • Are you allowed to light candles? Throw confetti? Have fireworks?
  • Where can guests park?
  • What is the weather contingency plan?
  • If it’s BYO wedding venue, what’s the corkage fee?
  • For the full list, see the wedding planning pack or bundle.

I’d love to hear any other suggestions you have for Auckland wedding venues, leave me a comment. Choosing your wedding venue is just one of the many decisions to make, do so with ease by purchasing the little white book & wedding planning pack in the discounted bundle.

All photos © The Official Photographers

Excerpt from last month’s Bride Tribe – I had so much amazing feedback to this idea that I just had to share it with you all too!
A couple of years ago I read Marie Kondo’s bestselling book The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up (The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing) and my mind was as transformed as my bathroom cupboards. Since then, I’ve waxed evangelical about the wondrous benefits of Marie Kondo’s approach to organising your life and home.
While the “KonMari” method offers practical guidance on cleaning out your home and organising our belongingings properly, it’s much more philosophical than that.
Today, while talking to a friend I realised that I’ve been so inspired by the life-changing magic that I now apply it to all my wedding planning advice. Interested in how discarding the majority of your wardrobe is analogous to planning your Big Day? It really all comes down to two little words.

Spark Joy

A concise introduction to ‘Tidying Up’

How many times have you rifled through your wardrobe, picking out items to discard or give away, yet you never actually achieve a clutter-free cupboard or a closet full of clothes you’re dying to wear.
Promising that if you properly declutter your home once, you’ll never have to do it again, KonMari instead advises not to cull items you don’t want, but instead take every single thing out of your closet, and put back only those that “spark joy” – those that bring real happiness to you. If you place back into your wardrobe/bathroom/life only those joy-giving belongings, you reach the nirvana of housekeeping and never have to clean again.

Applying the KonMari Method to Wedding Planning

An organised approach to prioritising and planning

This process applies fittingly to Wedding Planning in so many ways. In both life and wedding planning, many of us spend money on things we feel like we’re “supposed” to have, even if those things don’t really bring us happiness (spark joy).
I know I’ve said this before, but your wedding is not just the sum of its parts, it’s not merely a combination of spending money on all the right wedding vendors, i.e. Celebrant + Expensive Dress + White Shoes  + Bridesmaids + Flowers + Decor + Music + Food + Wine + Favours = Wedding.
I so frequently hear from brides who feel like they are making decisions based on what they believe is expected of them, whether that’s due to pressures from other people or traditions, rather than what they really want.
I have previously suggested that brides begin wedding planning by focussing on a few key priorities and getting those elements exactly as you want them, before moving on and organising “the remainder”, and even going sans much of the remainder, if those elements are not really, meaningfully important to you.
I went on the AM show a few months ago about the Kiwi wedding, and how we’re willing to do things differently, and not necessarily having everything. At the end, Mark asked me for an example of something couples can do without, but this is the exact opposite of what I’m saying. It’s not really about asking what you can do without, but about starting with what you really want and need – everything else is just “gravy”.

How would Marie Kondo plan a wedding?

Wedding planning with “Spark Joy” in mind

Applying the KonMari method to wedding planning means planning a wedding that’s simple and meaningful. It means you can save money, save on guest numbers and save on stress. Here’s how:

Kondo Your Guest List

I’ve written at length about starting your guest list, and this echoes what I said there, but only invite to your wedding those guests who will really ‘Spark Joy’ on your wedding day, and continue to be part of your future lives too.
Distant family members, ex-boyfriends, old colleagues (/current colleagues?), parents’ friends, friends’ parents – do each of them really spark joy, or are you asking them out of obligation?

Kondo your Wedding Priorities

What would Kondo do, prioritising at all the various elements a wedding could have? She wouldn’t have things just for the sake of it, because they’re on-trend, or because she saw them on Pinterest. Nope, Marie Kondo would plan, and budget for, only those elements which would really bring her joy on the day – those that will bring real meaning to your celebration. How much meaning and joy each element will bring to you is very personal, and each wedding will be different – that’s the beauty of it. Read more: Prioritising

Book the Wedding Vendors who Spark Joy!

Do each of your professional vendors spark joy – do you really love talking to them, do you want to spend time with them on the day, or in the lead up? Are you excited to stand with not just your fiance, but also your celebrant, for those all important moments? Have you chosen people who connect with your personality and vision, or are you booking those with the best reputation, or the cheapest?

Do your Bridal Party Spark Joy?

Before you even ask the all important “Will you be my bridesmaid” – read the bridesmaids guide and think about which of your gals is really going to spark joy for you – throughout the wedding planning process, in the immediate lead up, planning your bridal shower and hens do, and on the wedding day itself.
Does Spending Money Spark Joy? Spending money can be a happy experience – hello shopping! Budgeting for and then spending money on your wedding should feel GOOD, not bad, not guilty, you should be excited to experience what you’re investing in, not worried about your depleting accounts.

Does Wedding Planning Spark Joy?

IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE PAINFUL! Okay, no need to shout, but wedding planning can actually be enjoyable. Celebrate your engagement, make it special?
Write about the proposal and doodle your wedding day dreams in your little white book, eat cake with your fiance (every damn day until you find the wedding cake that will spark joy, or ditch the wedding cake and have a tower of donuts or a chocolate fountain or a margarita slushy machine instead of all of them!) and have fun. If wedding planning gets stressful, bring it back a notch, focus on only what you love, not what you feel like you need. Talk to your bridesmaids – the ones you chose cause you knew they’d bring you joy when you needed it, talk to me, talk to your Mum, take a load off, get cosy, tell your fiance you need his help, you want to elope, or that he’s in charge of planning from now on.
Whatever it takes to ensure that wedding planning is really freaking awesome, do that. Keep Calm, have FUN and Spark Joy, babes xx
Ready to spark joy in wedding planning? Head to the index of planning posts, or check out the little white book in my online shop.