June 2022 - Forget Me Not Journals

Why Postpartum Rest is so Important | How to take care of YOU

Posted on June 17, 2022June 17, 2022 by Megan Hutchison

In Chinese culture, women stay inside for a month after giving birth. Nobody comes in; nobody goes out. It’s called “confinement” or “sitting for the month” and to those used to more Western cultural approaches, it sounds unusual. However, we could really learn a lot from the practice of Postpartum rest that is practised by tens of millions of women every year in China.

Instinctively, we know that we should be resting, but in reality, most of us are much busier, more active and are putting more stress on ourselves, physically and mentally, than we should.

Why Postpartum Rest is so Important

Until 100 years ago, 10% of women died in childbirth, and the weeks following the birth were a risky time too. Now, within a few days of childbirth, especially with our second or subsequent child, we are often back to rushing around, getting up and down, in and out of a car, not to mention lifting our babies (and toddlers) all day.

Although we are no longer pregnant, our bodies are still going through immense change in the post-partum period.

I recently came across this information shared by Kelsi Ludvigsen – it’s eye-opening to say the least, and I encourage you to visit her page:

The average diameter of a placenta is 22cm/8.6 inches.

⁠ ⁠⁠ You could say that it’s the size of a side dinner plate, an average watermelon, paper plate or a soccer ball for reference. It’s also the size of the average placenta that we have just grown for 9 months. ⁠⁠ ⁠⁠ 

After we birth the placenta, we are left with a wound inside of our uterus where the placenta was attached. If we had this wound on the outside, say on our back or chest, EVERYONE would be telling us to rest and they would help us!

Also, the placenta is an organ, that we just expelled from our body, if we had lost a kidney or an appendix, 40 days of recovering would be pretty minimal and probably unheard of.

Our doctors and family would expect us to rest longer…. ⁠⁠ ⁠⁠ The wound site from the placenta is one of the main reasons for postpartum bleeding/lochia.

We lose about 1/10 of our blood supply from this open wound! So whether you had a c-section birth or vaginal, everyone has this bleeding wound. ⁠⁠ ⁠⁠ 

It takes on average 6 weeks for this wound to heal. And this is just an average, because it depends on how much we rest, the nourishment we receive from food and support. So mothers who receive less may take longer, and mothers who prepare and set themselves up may heal quicker. ⁠⁠ ⁠⁠ 

The longer the wound site is left open, the higher risk we have for infection and hemorrhage, even if you had a safe vaginal delivery or zero complications from birth. But because this is an internal aka hidden healing part of the postpartum recovery we don’t always take it seriously. And neither does our community. ⁠⁠ ⁠⁠ 

After birth we are hormonal, exhausted, emotionally vulnerable, learning to feed our baby AND our body is working hard to heal this huge wound.

It’s a lot. Do yourself a favor and REST and ask for help!⁠⁠ If you are a partner or friend or family member, take this information in, SUPPORT is what they need.

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A post shared by Santa Barbara Birth Photos (@auriellephoto)

How to take care of YOU

Rest: Carrying your growing child for 9 months is hard on your body as it is and leaves you depleted, but labouring and then delivering a baby is exhausting. You probably didn’t get much sleep in the hospital or birthing unit, not to mention the first few nights wherever you were with your baby, so if you keep doing too much in the next few weeks, your body may suffer. Do as little as possible, rest while your baby sleeps. Do not do laundry, or cooking, or cleaning that you don’t have to do. This rest will help you recover.
Avoiding heavy lifting: If possible, avoid lifting anything heavier than your baby for the first couple of weeks. This is especially important if you’ve had a C-section delivery, because of your abdominal muscles, but equally necessary for vaginal delivery because of the aforementioned placenta wound. You also need to limit your stair climbing or opening your legs to get into the car – try to slide in while keeping your legs together.
Keeping baby’s care simple: Don’t add to your to-do list when it comes to your baby’s needs. Your baby doesn’t need a bath every day. Instead, use wet wipes to make sure your baby’s face, hands and genital area are cleaned daily.
Limiting visitors in the first few weeks: Although your friends will want to come and meet the baby, this may put pressure on you to host and even just be social, at times where you could be resting. You’ll be adjusting to your new life with your baby, as well as healing from your delivery. When you do have visitors, try not to stress over the house being tidy, or your hair being clean. Leave piles of laundry all over the house – the best friends will do it for you.

Being aware of Post-partum Depression

Just by being aware of the mental health risks to new Mums, you can help protect yourself – by knowing when to ask for help.

There are three types of childbirth-related depression:

Postnatal or maternity blues are very common. A new parent feels down and tearful in the week after her baby is born. This feeling passes after a few days.
Postnatal depression, a more serious condition, is also common. The person becomes seriously depressed in the first months following the baby’s birth. It can occur any time during the baby’s first year.
Postnatal psychosis (sometimes called post partum psychosis) is rare and involves symptoms of psychosis (being out of touch with reality) as well as changes in mood – either a depressed or an extremely high mood. It usually begins in the first two weeks after the child is born. It can be managed well – particularly if help is sought early.

People who have never been mentally unwell before can experience postnatal depression after pregnancy. Others may have had depression or a psychotic illness in the past. Regardless of whether you have prior experience of mental distress, the symptoms and treatment of postnatal depression are similar.

The major difference between this form of depression compared to other forms is you have a newborn baby to look after while you’re experiencing depression. It’s very important to get help and support as early as possible.

Because postnatal depression can affect how you feel about and care for, your baby and other children it is important not to ignore any signs that something may be wrong. You’re not a bad parent and postnatal depression doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby. It just means you’re human and you need some extra support. Talk to your midwife or doctor as soon as you can (source).

If you are currently pregnant and would like to join our village, let us know your due date, and we will send you monthly emails with stories from our readers about their unique journeys, as well as advice to keep you busy as the months go on.

8 Weeks Pregnant | Two Month Milestone

Posted on June 17, 2022June 17, 2022 by Megan Hutchison

You’ve reached one of the first milestone in your pregnancy, two months pregnant, and you may have just already been for a dating scan and heard that incredible little heartbeat. You may have already shared your news with a few close friends or family members by now and are patiently waiting to tell your wider friend group. How are you feeling? The first trimester can be rough, and even though the fetus is teeny tiny, you could already be bloated and feel your clothes starting to get a little tighter. Soon enough you’ll have a baby bump growing!

Amongst all of the excitement, you may already be feeling very tired, as baby takes so much of your nutrition and energey – you may be needing lots of little naps, like this soon to be mumma of 2 who shares her early pregnancy journey

“My daughter is 3 at the end of August so will be nearly 3 and a half when the baby is due. The age gap wasn’t planned as a certain age, it was more that we were ready to have another one.”

1. Take your first Pregnancy photos

Choose a spot in your house in which you can take the same photo as your bump grows, it’s so nice to look back on your journey and documenting your time with photos will give you a visual reminder of your experience (even though at the moment, you may not feel like being reminded – it’s hard work being pregnant).

Take a photo of your pregnancy test (but I wouldn’t recommend holding onto it as an heirloom, they don’t keep well!), and a photo with your partner, you’re about to embark on an incredible journey.

2. Start writing in your Pregnancy Journal

It’s also time to document your thoughts, feelings and physical experiences, using our made with love pregnancy journal. To give you an idea of what our pages are filled with, I have included a blog from a beautiful Mumma who shares pregnancy journal entries at 6 & 7 weeks. Read on to hear more about her journey and her feelings towards soon having 2 under 2.

3. Start making lists of things you’ll need later

It’s good to keep track of items you will need as the months go on. It can be pretty exciting to go baby shopping for the first time, and you may even get a few little announcement gifts from friends as you tell them, but it’s great to start a list of what you need to purchase, and how much it’s going to cost.

Then you can wait for the big sales (for instance, Farmers has a bi-annual one), or budget for everything you want to purchase. Consider things which are safest to buy second-hand, such as a good quality wooden cot, and those things you’d prefer to have new.

Although it’s lovely to choose a few little items of clothing to purchase during your pregnancy, you may find you get gifted a lot of newborn clothing too, so err on sizing up a little bit (my second baby was 10lbs and didn’t even fit newborn size).

4. Eat Little & Often to Combat Nausea

If you’re dealing with nausea, you may find yourself also losing your appetite along the way. Try snacking and finding foods that are easy to take with you in your bag or keep in your car to nibble on throughout the day. Eat little and often.

Crackers are great, either on their own or with healthy and more filling toppings for when you are able to stomach it. If your sickness goes beyond nausea, and you are unfortunate enough to have Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG), you may wish to read the experience of others going through this, such as Christina Dellar and this Mum on her third pregnancy with HG.

You can also get these blogs and tips emailed to you! Fill in this with email and due date and you will receive emails perfectly suiting your stage of pregnancy.

First Time Mother | “I didn’t feel super Maternal”

Posted on June 17, 2022June 20, 2022 by Megan Hutchison

“My midwife made it just in time and told me that I was good to push and everything went by so quickly and within 30 minutes of arriving at the hospital, I gave birth to Theo and I was just in shock at everything that just happened.”

Your family

I have been a mum to Theo, my son for 8 months now. Theo also has 3 fur baby siblings, our dogs. My husband and I have been together for about 8 years now and married for almost 2 years. I’m Chinese and he is Vietnamese, we have both been in New Zealand since we were children.

Journey to conceiving and pregnancy – I didn’t feel super maternal.

All of my life, I didn’t feel super maternal so having a baby wasn’t a life goal of mine.

I could tell my husband really wanted to be a father so I thought, if it happens then it was meant to be but I didn’t want to put too much pressure on myself to conceive. The pregnancy came before my 30th birthday. It was a surprise, but also planned. I stopped taking my oral contraceptive pills a couple of months after our wedding. I thought it would take at least 6 months for my cycles to regulate but it only took about 2 months before I became pregnant. We didn’t expect it to happen so quickly so it was a surprise when the pregnancy test was positive.

How was your pregnancy?

One of the first things I did was create an Instagram account (@tryingtomumnz) when I found out I was pregnant because it was somewhat taboo to tell people about your pregnancy in the early stages. I found that somewhat isolating, so Instagram became a great outlet for my emotions and ultimately became my pregnancy diary. I love referring back to the beginning from time to time to see how far I’ve come. It was also an awesome way to document all of the small things that I might forget as time passes.

My pregnancy journey was quite smooth sailing. I didn’t have any morning sickness in the early stages, the only weird symptom I had was nosebleeds. For the most part, I enjoyed being pregnant, I found it amazing to watch my body change in order to grow another human. I loved going to scans and watching my little bean grow.

Did you find out the gender of your child?

We found out about the gender at one of the regular scans so I could start doing some baby shopping. However, the Covid pandemic got worse towards the end stage of my pregnancy and I had to attend all of my scans alone which made me feel quite lonely. Theo’s abdomen size was measuring small towards the end stages which meant more lonely and stressful visits to the sonographer.

I also started trying to eat 500 extra calories per day due to this which made me gain a lot more weight than previously planned quickly towards the end stages of my pregnancy. The end was definitely harder for me, Theo sat super low which gave me a lot of pain as he grew bigger and I had quite awful acid reflux that I ended up sleeping sitting up some nights.

Birth story

I didn’t have a set birth plan, I was open to everything.

On the morning of week 38, I woke up with cramps. I didn’t even think they were contractions until maybe 2 hours into it. I text my midwife to let her know that I was in early labour and she told me to monitor the contractions and that we will go to the hospital when the contractions were over 1 minute long and less than 4 minutes apart.

So I just went on with my day with the contractions getting more intense each time and tried to breathe through them while using a contraction timing app to track each contraction. By about 2pm, I was in bed, moaning and groaning and telling my husband there is no way I can have this baby without an epidural because I can’t even handle these early labour contractions.

I refused to go to the hospital because my contractions were never less than 4 minutes apart, but gave in when I couldn’t get up from all fours. I crawled to the car and we went to the emergency room so I could hopefully get some epidural. I was put onto a wheelchair and wheeled up to the birthing unit in Auckland hospital. The hospital midwife checked my dilation and she told me I was fully dilated already! I was just confused.

My midwife made it just in time and told me that I was good to push and everything went by so quickly and within 30 minutes of arriving at the hospital, I gave birth to Theo and I was just in shock at everything that just happened. I had second degree tearing because everything happened so quickly and got stitched up and next thing I know, we were on our way to birthcare.

The first week was really hard, I was in pain and the stitches felt uncomfortable. Theo didn’t latch properly and it only took a few breastfeeding sessions for my nipples to be damaged. Every time he tried to feed, my uterus would start to contract which got worse when my milk came in and I was super engorged as well. I just remember everything hurting. I cried almost daily, from pain and an overall sense of helplessness because I didn’t really know how to be a mother.

How was the first week?

We moved into my family home just before I gave birth and stayed until Theo was about 6 weeks old. It was amazing to have my own mother helping me through the beginning first few weeks of my motherhood. I feel very lucky that I had a lot of support from my friends who are also mothers who would chat to me when I was down and come outside my house with hot chocolate and good sushi. I enjoyed our newborn bubble and only let some of our close friends and family come for a visit.

Your little ones

How did you choose your children’s names and do they have a meaning to you?

Theo Wolffe Truong

I always liked Theo as a name, it works for both a boy or a girl. We wanted to pick something our parents/family could easily pronounce as well. Wolffe is actually a character from Star Wars who leads a team that was called a wolfpack. This felt fitting as we had so many dogs and Theo will eventually become their leader in a way. We are both geeks so it was a bit of fun while still being subtle.

Tell us about the first few weeks with your baby

I struggled A LOT during the fourth trimester, both physically and emotionally. I had a major milk oversupply which led to blocked ducts and mastitis a few times. My nipples were constantly trying to heal and engorgement was super uncomfortable as well. Breastfeeding did not come easily or naturally at first, I thought about giving up many times. My emotions were all over the place because of my hormones and I cried over the smallest things. I often felt quite lonely during the early hours of the morning when I was feeding the baby.

Sleep deprivation was rough, initially we tried very hard to have Theo sleep in a bassinet but it just would not work at all. We ended up bedsharing which I didn’t realise was such a taboo topic to talk about. I once told a plunket nurse that I was bedsharing and she just freaked out. We tried many different things to have him sleep independently but in the end, only cosleeping and contact napping worked for us. We held him for all of his day naps and bed-shared at night. I really wish they would advocate safe bed-sharing by providing some education around it rather than making mothers feel bad for doing it.

We didn’t really have a routine and I often found myself thinking “how will I ever go out again?”

I started enjoying it a lot more when I relaxed my expectations and just followed Theo’s lead on everything. I gave him everything he needed from me and just trusted my own instincts.

What were your must-have items, and what others were a waste of time/overrated?

Must haves were

A good stretchy wrap carrier – I had the Boba Serenity Wrap

Haakaa pump or something similar for unclogging blocked ducts

Nice, soft and absorbent breast pads – I’m still using the Confitex breast pads

Nipple creams and hydrogel breast pads

A good merino blanket

I personally did not buy a lot of items that I thought were a waste – Theo didn’t like to be swaddled so I didn’t use the swaddles as much.

Is your parenting different to how you thought it would be?

I feel like my parenting is how I thought it would be now that I have gotten a bit better at everything. Initially I was a lot more intense than I thought I would be. I am a lot more relaxed now.

How does your typical day look?

I am still a stay at home mum at the moment, and will return to work fulltime in a few months. We have been staying at home a lot more than I would like due to the pandemic initially and now the weather. I do try to take Theo out for a walk on sunny days and sometimes to free baby activities when we both feel up for it.

Relationship

How has having children affected your relationship?

It was quite hard initially for me to find time for my husband during the early few weeks because I was so exhausted and drained all of the time. I’m very lucky that he is a hands-on dad and will help out whenever I’m stressed out and need a break. I love how happy Theo is when his dad plays with him, he gets the best giggles.

Tips & advice

What would your top parenting tips be for a new parent?

Trust your instincts
Don’t be afraid to ask for help
Talk about your feelings
Find time to look after yourself as well
It’s true when they say it gets better!

If this has helped you, would you consider sharing your story to help others too? Please submit your details through this form. Whether your story is about trying to conceive, pregnancy, surrogacy, loss or parenthood, we would love to hear from you.

28 Weeks Pregnant – Third Trimester begins

Posted on June 17, 2022June 17, 2022 by Megan Hutchison

28 Weeks marks the start of the third trimester, with around 12 weeks to go til you get to meet your little person.

Today we are sharing the blog of this brave 22 year old first time single Mum getting ready to going to raise her baby on her own, living with her parents and having the support of her family and friends. She generously shared with us the personal circumstances leading to this decision, and we’re totally in awe:

“How I chose to have this baby on my own… I would say wasn’t really to much for me to think about as I’ve always wanted a baby. Three years ago I had an abortion, the decision never fully felt like my own, and ever since that I have kind of have grieved – and felt like a little part of me had made the wrong decision back then.”

We also have the pregnancy journal of weeks 27 and 28 shared by this Mum-of-one, pregnant while raising a toddler.

1. Antenatal classes

If you haven’t already, now is a good time to either choose a birthing class which often this includes lessons on birth, infant care and breastfeeding. You may also wish to enrol in a first aid course, to give you more confidence.

There are also a lot of great YouTube videos on breastfeeding that can be helpful to learn how to latch correctly (for breastfeeding) to avoid sore and cracked nipples, and you might enjoy watching other videos about newborn care such as swaddling, burping and bathing your baby in the first few weeks.

2. Stay active

Always listen to your body in what feels right. Going for a walk when you can while pregnant instead of working out can make a world of a difference and make you feel much better, even if your body is achey and feels heavy. Though you may have noticed it has got harder to keep up with your regular exercise, you can safely continue to do most things you’ve been doing, right up until baby arrives (and then take a break for your recovery).

I have previously written a blog about my experience exercising at F4 5 through pregnancy at you may like to read. It’s only now that I look back on my pregnancy, labour, and – perhaps most especially – the ‘fourth trimester’ (three months postpartum) that I truly appreciate how staying fit and healthy helped me along that journey.

3. Prioritise your relationship

We suggest you focus on spending more time with your partner while you’re pregnant, as once your newborn arrives, your relationship can take a back seat. Make each other feel special and reassured over this time. Take time to plan date nights and mini road trips to your favourite places or have fun shopping together for baby things.

It’s nice to choose things together and both get excited over all of the adorable baby wear. Don’t be disheartened if you find they are not as interested as you, it’s still important to try to do things as team.

4. Drink lots of water

This is so easy to forget (and I’m guilty of it), but in pregnancy you can become dehydrated very quickly, which will leave you feeling more tired and uncomfortable (even constipated). Do you have a favourite bottle, a herbal tea that inspires you to drink more, or would you consider mixing a flavoured collagen into your water? Drinking enough water will truly help your body feel well during pregnancy.

Once baby arrives, you’ll be thirstier than ever, so having a large (1.5L minimum) bottle that’s easy to use with one hand (but doesn’t easily spill when knocked around) is ideal.

5. Consider your Maternity Leave

Whether you are self-employed or working for someone else, you are entitled to the government paid maternity leave, or ‘Paid Parental Leave’. You can choose to start this when baby arrives, or before or after, if that suits you.

Even if you run a business, you can still do the minimum required to keep that business going, but cannot be actively working throughout your paid cover, so this might be a good time to look at hiring somebody to help you through the period.

If you are taking maternity leave from work, think about when you might like to take a break, and even consider reducing your hours, or any strenuous work, for your third trimester. See this article on your Employment and Maternity Rights.

6. Share your journey with others

If you have enjoyed these pregnancy emails and the blogs, and would like to share yours, please click this link and we will get in touch. All is anonymous, and your experience could really help others going through the same thing.

picture credit: Aruni

24 Weeks Pregnant | Time to Relax and Unwind

Posted on June 16, 2022June 17, 2022 by Megan Hutchison

You’re now well into your 6th month pregnant, a special time where you an feel your baby’s movements more and really bond with your bub.

Here are some blog posts we think you might like to read from women who are at a similar stage of pregnancy:

23 Weeks Pregnant – First Baby, first grandchild. “My partner and I don’t actually live together yet, and neither of us have ever lived with partners, so this year will be a massive year of changes.”
21 Weeks Pregnant – Positive Affirmations – At 21 Weeks Samantha is over half way there! After sharing a previous journal entry earlier on in her pregnancy, she is back to share more of her journey, read on to hear how her pregnancy is going since we heard from her last.

1. Take it easy, make life stress-free

By now, you’re probably starting to feel the weight (physically and mentally) of carrying another little person, so it’s time to take it easy, and make life easier on yourself. Don’t feel bad about having ready-to-eat meals or takeaways, but if you do feel like cooking, start popping leftovers in the freezer for when baby arrives. Though you may be getting that ‘nesting’ feeling and want to rearrange the house, try and be rational with yourself about what you can really achieve right now, and don’t put too much on your plate.

2. Give your body a physical break

You may be noticing swelling now around your feet and ankles, especially later on in the day, or if it’s particularly hot. Try to remember to drink lots of water, and when you are sitting down, elevate your legs if possible.

If you’ve managed to continue exercising through pregnancy well until now, well done, and keep it up, but don’t be surprised if it starts getting a little harder from now on, you’re exercising for two as well as eating for two.

Focus on moving your body, rather than challenging it too much – don’t feel that you have to push yourself through a workout or a run, just do what feels comfortable.

3. Stay positive

If you’ve never tried mindful meditation, now is a great time to start. You’re in a completely unfamiliar stage of life, and about to embark on one even more out-of-this-world, so it’s completely normal to over-think things. Try to stay calm, mindful, and focus on doing things that make you happy, rather than stressing about things out of your control.

Decorate, buy some clothes for your baby to come, have fun!

4. Consider how to get your home ready for a baby (and soon a crawling baby)

As well as the fun part of decorating, start thinking about child-proofing. Of course, your baby won’t be moving for a wee while, but if you’re already rearranging rooms and nesting, it’s a great time to think about child safety. As you consider buying a baby monitor, or a night light for the baby’s room, think about how you will keep those cords safe from baby to be able to reach.

As you choose and hang photos, consider whether they will be over a space that baby needs to be safe in (I’ve had secure 3M hooks give way for absolutely no reason before). Have a look at what parts of the house need baby gates and electrical coverings, and start investing in those little things now, you won’t believe how quickly it comes around.

4. Share your journey with us

If you’ve enjoyed these blogs so far, consider being part of them. Click this link and fill in your name, email and week of pregnancy, and we’ll be in touch. All the best with the next few weeks, you’re almost through the second trimester, Congratulations.

Photo credit: @amykatebarrett

64 hour labour | “Great midwives are worth their weight in gold.”

Posted on June 13, 2022June 13, 2022 by Megan Hutchison

“Having our baby has only made our marriage stronger. There’s something so incredibly heart-melting about going through birth, and seeing your other half become a parent. Don’t get me wrong, we have our disagreements, but for the most-part we are completely on the same page and so incredibly filled with love for our wee girl.”