Month: July 2022

We all need advice when it comes to planning a wedding. There are so many things to think about and do… So, we have pulled together pieces of advice from our couples we have interviewed in our real wedding blogs.

Coming from lots of different couples from all walks of life, you will be sure to seek some advice from this compilation. The most popular advice “Do it for you and no one else. It is your day and you need to ensure you enjoy every moment of it.”

If you haven’t hired a wedding planner, at the very least, get a reliable friend to be the go to person on the day, and of course use your wedding planner book. Give your friend’s contact details to all the vendors involved on the day. And of course – don’t take it too seriously. Enjoy the day even if things go wrong!

– A Creative Modern Chinese-Australian Wedding at Vieille Branche

Things will go wrong. Don’t panic, focus on solutions not problems.

Surround yourself with people you love and trust that will not concern you with trivial admin questions on your wedding day. DELEGATE – Choosing the right bridal party, MCs and ushers will help you with this! If at the end of the day you and your fiancé are married and you have had fun it is a successful day! Remember that a wedding should be fun and planning it should be fun. Don’t take yourself too seriously and don’t worry too much about getting your dress grubby. I know we will get some great photos we will cherish forever as I was happy getting into the sand and grass and sticks (and cow poo) in my dress. Have a bridal party kit with you at all times during the day in case of headache, hair or dress malfunction, make up crisis, blister etc. It is a long day so some makeup wipes and deodorant may just be the difference.     Put about $2000 in your budget for incidentals – you would be surprised what you end up needing to buy!

Weddings are an emotional time for everyone – be aware of each other’s feelings. Try not to get too fixated on certain things you think you want or need for your wedding day, the more flexible you are the less stressed you will be!

– A Waiorongomai Farm Heritage Wedding

Enjoy the day or in our case days it goes by so fast! We decided on a videographer at the last second and it was worth every penny! Oh and don’t worry about the weather! Two weddings, two days of torrential rain!

– An Elegant Urban (Second) Wedding

Stick to the kind of wedding you feel completely comfortable with! After all it is your special day and you want to have an amazing one. P.S If you decide to throw your bouquet make sure you have lots of room for the girls! We had a bit of an unfortunate bouquet brawl (accident) that resulted in one of my bridesmaids having to have surgery on her wrist the week after the wedding, she did get the bouquet though so I suppose it was all worth it!

– An Intimate Rustic Matamata Farm Wedding

Don’t sweat the small stuff, keeping numbers down makes it so much more enjoyable and having a wedding planners was the best decision EVER!!     

– Bohemian Bali Beach Wedding

Do it for you and no one else. It is your day and you need to ensure you enjoy every moment of it. The idea of marriage is being a team, for us it is sharing food with the other human, sitting in the car for 10 minutes contemplating which café to go to, being the ultimate team at concerts together, seeing the world, putting on your old track pants and watching a Sunday film. It’s all about appreciating life’s little beauties as well as the big accomplishments as they all shape you as a couple.

– Bohemian Rustic Whangateau Wedding

Enjoy every moment of being engaged as it fly’s by so quickly and is such a special and exciting time in your lives. Also try not to stress! This is a hard one and something I struggled to do while organising our Wedding from England but it is so important and allows you to enjoy the whole process. Everything always comes together on the day and all those little details you spent months stressing about are all forgotten. If it all seems too much take a moment and remind yourself that ultimately it is about you and the love of your life celebrating your commitment to each other with all your family and friends and nothing could be more beautiful or special than that.                  

– Chic Autumn Markovina Vineyard Wedding

Have fun! You often hear that planning a wedding can sometimes be quite stressful and cause tension – if you let it. Remember your wedding day is one of the most important days of your lives, think about why and how you fell in love with each other and enjoy the experience together.

– Elegant Rustic Kourawhero Estate Wedding

Decide early what your priorities and non-negotiables are, as well as the things you don’t mind skimping on. It will help with keeping to the budget later on. For example we didn’t care so much about rings and flowers and table settings, for us we wanted to spend our money on the things that would give our guests the best time possible – good food, good wine, good music.

– Minimalist Cultural Fusion Wedding

Get your a into g and get things sorted quickly so you can relax the weeks before ! Especially the girls! Don’t fuss on all the small extra things you can get for a wedding – it all adds up .. fast!! Keep your wedding list to who you want and who makes you happy as a couple. Enjoy your day it’s true it goes so fast!

– Minimalist Floral Inspired Waikato Wedding

Get the big things done early – caterer, photographer, venue etc and then you have time to enjoy being engaged before the few months before the wedding when things start to step up!

Don’t make it complicated – my dad always said it’s about the love between you and your partner not about what you’re wearing, or how you have dressed the tables. Enjoy the journey together – keep a wedding planning journal, write lists, prioritise don’t try and do everything in one day, use the people around you that want to help. One thing I am glad Tom and I did on our wedding day was, we stepped outside together just the two of us, just after the first dance and we reflected on the day that 5 minutes of us time was special as we caught our breath and just talked about how amazing it all is!

– Queenstown Hilltop Wedding with a Festival Vibe

Involve each other in the decisions, draw from help from friends and family, it really does help lighten the stress load. Focus on things you and your guests will enjoy on the day, such as the food and drinks, the activities, the running of the day and program, things that are experienced. Once it’s all done those are the details which will be remembered, rather than fine detail decorations or wedding favors. On the morning of the day leave any stress behind and accept that all that you could have done has been done and the rest will be as it is to be. A glass of bubbles and laughs with your bridesmaids is also a good nerve cure and a good way to get you excited!  

– Relaxed Floral Inspired Old Forest School Wedding

Weddings are expensive, so prioritize (no matter what your budget) what you are happy to spend money on and what areas you are able to make some savings in or what you don’t think are essentials. Communicate with your fiancé as much as possible and be willing to compromise on some aspects if need be.

– Romantic & Seriously WOW in Waikato

Make sure you enjoy the engagement! It is such an amazing experience and time spent with your partner, friends and family so don’t rush to get it all over too soon! We were engaged for nearly 18 months before we got married and it also meant we could book the important stuff well in advance to secure dates, then enjoy ourselves before worrying about all the small stuff.

– Romantic Lake Okareka Wedding

In wedding planning nothing ever 100% goes your way, vendors may cancel, the weather could be horrible but I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. Looking back on our wedding planning, when certain things happened that were out of our control we chose a different route and it all worked out even better than we had imagined. Also don’t be afraid to ask for help, delegate, delegate and delegate!

– Rustic Chic at Birkenhead Yacht Club

We got engaged a year and a half before the wedding but due to family reasons and difficult time planning, it was put on hold until the end of 2016. In middle of November, we made a decision on the date, so it meant that we had 2 and a half months to organize. It didn’t sound that crazy or scary to us. But as soon as we were getting questions such as “Are you talking about 2018?” or comments like “Wow, that is soon” we realized that some people saw it as a short time to plan. So our advice would be: don’t stress too much, if you have a plan and have thought about every part of the day it will all fall into place. It’s such a special day, so with all the planning don’t forget to just to enjoy it.

– Rustic Chic Katikati Orchard Wedding

You know, we love a good party and wanted it to be so special for our people but in the end it just came down to the fact that on the day with everyone there it was going to be epic no matter what, which it was! So I guess in short don’t get caught up in the minute details, it will all fall into place and you will all have the most amazing time!

– A Coastal Chic Wedding

You know we love a ‘She Said Yes’ moment (in fact, that used to be our business name, we became Forget Me Not Journals in early 2022!) So, to celebrate some of those magical proposal moments, we have gathered our favourite proposal stories from some of our real wedding blogs to give you all an “awwww” moment (and maybe some inspiration!)

If you’ve just got engaged too, grab the original ‘She Said Yes Wedding Planner‘ – the little white book.

Source: Pinterest

Joseph and I were discussing purchasing rings together around 4 years into our relationship. We both knew we wanted matching bands with plenty of diamonds. We never truly discussed who would propose to whom, but I just knew he wanted to be proposed to. I started brainstorming ideas of how to propose. He mentioned multiple times how the Brooklyn Bridge was one of his favorite architectural bridges in the world. We also both moved around a lot throughout medical school and I wanted our proposal to have elements of our 5 years together. When we unexpectedly moved to Philadelphia in 2018, and I took advantage of our proximity to NYC to include the Brooklyn Bridge in the proposal. Our first joint apartment was in Miami and we lived in a building with a restaurant called Sugarcane. Joe recently
visited Brooklyn and told me that Sugarcane opened up a second location in Dumbo, overlooking the Brooklyn Bridge. With this new information, I was able to formulate a plan.

– Yosemite National park wedding

 I (Shameel) proposed to Nick on his 30th birthday. I took him out all around Auckland doing lots of fun activities – a private tour of the Smith and Caughey’s building (Nick loves old buildings), a horse trek, massages, then we went to the place we had our first date and I gave him a card that he though was a voucher to buy some clothes but inside it said “Will you marry me”. Finally we had a surprise dinner with our family and close friends to celebrate our engagement before we headed off to Europe the next day for 8 weeks! A whirlwind to say the least!

– Winter wedding at Kumeu Valley Estate

Tuaine and I went shopping for rings 4 months before he proposed so I knew it was coming but had no idea when. He proposed when our daughter was 6 weeks old so it was an emotional day (crazy baby hormones!) He had planned a whole day of my favorites, we went for a walk around the Dunedin Botanic Gardens. We went to my favorite Florist, Estelle Flowers where he had a massive bunch of flowers waiting for me. Then we went to lunch at my favorite cafe, he had organised for me to get my makeup done so I felt all pretty, then he ordered our favorite dinner and got it to bring home and set the lounge up like a restaurant, so sweet considering we could have not/ would not have wanted to leave our daughter at that age. Then as I was putting our daughter to bed he set up our garden with candles in jars and tea light candles, he came to get me saying he needed help with something and when I got to the back door I saw the candles and burst into tears, I had been waiting so long and it was so beautiful, and also by this point I was tired, had got my PJ’s on and thought he wasn’t going to end up proposing that night! Haha He led me outside where he got down on one knee. It was just perfect.

– Dunedin Botanic Garden Wedding Under $5000!

On an unassuming Thursday evening three days before my birthday after returning from work. Chris was already home which was odd. Our dog Ruby came out to meet me as I arrived and had a note around her neck saying “Will you marry Chris”. I started to cry and say yes before I even saw him kneeling in our living room with a ring he had fashioned out of a twisty tie and a white pebble from our garden. I crossed over the threshold coved in rose petals and he asked the question again, I said yes (again) before he slipped on the homemade ring. We went shopping the following day for the ring, which we both love.

– Waiorongomai Farm Heritage Wedding

Kat whisked my away to Waiheke Island for my 30th. She had
hired out an amazing air b n b and it was so us! We had a romantic bath in the outdoor area and
then Kat had told me to wait there while she organised some food. Kat had lugged platter food and
my fav wine all the way from Napier – she arranged it all inside for me and told me to get changed
and come in. I didn’t really suspect anything as this is the type of thing that we always do. Kat then
got my birthday card out and started reading it to me. The end of the card finished with there is
one thing I want and that is you.. Sophie will you marry me? Well I started screaming and hugging
her and then finally said yes! We then spent the afternoon drinking wine, calling our family and
friends and went out for dinner! Was such a beautiful time for us.

– Beautiful Havelock North Love Story

On Santa Monica Pier, Los Angeles California, on the 30th October 2015. We walked down the end of the pier and I couldn’t figure out why he was so quiet. I thought he was joking, I knew what we had was serious but to hear those words and that kind of commitment was life changing. You couldn’t wipe the smile of my face for the rest of our trip.

– Elegant, Modern Waiheke Wedding Cable Bay

On my birthday, making it hard to forget. Adam took me away to Whangamata for the weekend where his family have a holiday home. He suggested we go for a picnic lunch at the beach. In a tongue and cheek manner I slightly teased him for this romantic gesture as it wasn’t his usual way. Needless to say, this probably made him even more nervous. After being at the beach for a while he rolled over on the picnic blanket, box in hand and simply said “I have another birthday surprise for you, will you marry me?”. It was perfect, relaxed, low key, in our favourite spot with no one around.

– Bohemian Rustic Whangateau Wedding (with a $100 reception venue!)

On the 30th of December 2015. LJ called a ‘family meeting’. We were sitting on our deck with Harry (his son) and our two pooches. He said he had all the things he loved sitting around him, and produced a stunning ring he had designed with Jaime Lucinda, followed by “What do you reckon?”

 – Chic Meets Rustic – Wedding in 115 year old family woolshed

James proposed in Paris beneath the Eiffel tower on Christmas Eve, 2015. We had spent a few days before in Germany exploring the beautiful Christmas markets. James hid the ring box in one of his spare shoes the whole time so I wouldn’t find it! While we were walking under the Eiffel tower he asked if we could sit down but I was too busy trying to get a good selfie and said no! I finally gave in and when we sat down he got down on one knee and proposed. I of course said yes and after a few tears we went for a beautiful cruise down the River Seine and drank Champagne in the city of love.

– Chic Autumn Markovina Vineyard Wedding

Rupak proposed to me on my birthday. It was not romantic at all but it was the perfect proposal for us. Rupak gave me my birthday present early in the morning, it was a Meadowlark box. I got excited thinking it was a proposal as the ring I wanted for an engagement ring was a Meadowlark one. Sadly it was not. But then we took the dog for a walk on the beach, and Rupak sat me down and said he had a second gift. “It comes with a condition though – you have to marry me”, to which I said “okay … “, because the usual “yes” didn’t quite work seeing has he hadn’t actually asked. I took the box off him and put the ring on my finger myself, we had a quick kiss, a car honked at us, and the dog started getting restless from sitting for so long. So we walked home and that was that.

– Minimalist Cultural Fusion Wedding

I proposed in Paris in a nice secluded alleyway in MontMarte. I was carrying the ring with me and I was going to do it in front of the Arc De Triomphe, but didn’t because there were waaaay to many people around. Nisha is a huge french art fan and the province is home to a few of her favourite artists. We were travelling with our two good friends Tim and Nicole, who of course Nisha photographs constantly.

She was busy posing and photographing them and I suggested that we also get a picture and she handed the picture to Tim who of course captured the whole moment. Seeing as Nish is a photographer I thought it would be fitting to have photos of the exact moment we got engaged.

– Nisha&Todd’s Engagement

It was our 3rd anniversary and I planned to surprise Liam with a trip to Queenstown, this failed when I accidentally let it slip only days before we were due to go. Turns out Liam had a surprise of his own, which he managed to keep until the day we arrived in Queenstown, where he mistakenly used the word engagement instead of anniversary. We didn’t acknowledge this slip and three days later during a picnic on the side of a gravel road in a rural spot between the snowy mountains called “Paradise” Liam got down on one knee and asked the question. It was perfect, I’m not a fan of attention so I loved that it was in such a private, picturesque setting, with nearby cows as the only witnesses. I also loved the fact it gave us something to laugh about, the fact we’d both tried to plan romantic suprises and had both let it slip, it made the whole thing very ‘us’. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

– Relaxed Floral Inspired Old Forest School Wedding

Ethan sent me a simple text on a Friday afternoon saying ‘keep from 3pm free and wear your active wear’. I didn’t think much of it at the time due to the active wear request. We hopped in the car and he refused to tell me where we were going and what we were doing. 40 minutes later we pulled up to Raglan beach where there were horses waiting for us. We rode horses on the beach front and finished off the evening with a picnic of my favorite meal at a look out spot. Ethan said a little speech and got down on one knee with the most beautiful custom made ring I have ever seen. It was a huge surprise and man did he do well!

– Romantic & Seriously WOW in Waikato

Although quiet and shy, Andy has a real knack for making the simplest things incredibly romantic. Our proposal was much the same. As I’m a nurse I often work shift work and the weekends, whereas Andy works Mon-Fri and plays football in the weekends. After about 4 weeks of not having a single day off coinciding we eventually had a Saturday off together. Andy had a whole day of activities planned which basically involved re-creating our first few dates together. First he took me out to the Otago Peninsula to watch the seals frolicking, we grabbed an ice-cream and some lunch and then went for a stroll in the Dunedin Botanic Gardens. After an hour or so of wandering around the gardens I mentioned maybe we should head back home as it was looking like it was going to rain. Andy seemed really hesitant to head back home and kept insisting that we try “one more path”. So, reluctantly, I agreed and we walked down this derelict path which opened out to a large lawn and bench overlooking North Dunedin. Once I saw the bench I realized that this was where we had our second date and we had spent hours sitting and chatting at this bench. When I sat down Andy got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I had been given the diamond for my ring 8 or so years ago from my Grandpa in South Africa and my parents had kept it safe for me until we decided to get engaged. Unbeknownst to me, Andy had spoken to my father and got the diamond made into a beautiful ring for me.

– Romantic Floral Dunedin Garden Wedding

On my 28^th birthday Jarrod surprised me by arranging the day off work, preparing at gourmet picnic and taking me to Long Bay beach. As it was my birthday (and he always spoils me on my birthday) I had no idea what was about to happen. After a glass or two of Champagne, Jarrod asked me to stand up while he was down on one knee and presented the most beautiful ring I had ever seen. I was so surprised, it was the perfect proposal so of course I said yes! Later that day I then found out the night before Jarrod had even seen my Dad to ask for his blessing. Everything about the proposal was perfect, it was so well planned and I can’t stop smiling every time I tell the proposal story.

– Rustic Chic at Birkenhead Yacht Club

If you’re planning your wedding and struggle with ADHD, it may be feeling completely impossible to get started, let alone stay organised, keep on track of your wedding budget, and remember all the little details along the way.

As a fellow Bride with ADHD, I found it extremely difficult to start wedding planning – the list of tasks were never-ending, the checklists overwhelming, and the whole thing just exhausting!

Why is Wedding Planning with ADHD so hard?

Though the way ADHD manifests itself in each person is quite individual, it is usually a combination of hyperactivity, difficulty paying attention, and possibly impulsiveness. A definition I resonate most with is that it is a unique brain wiring which requires engaged interest with a clear, purposeful intention (in order for an individual to pay attention).

Wedding planning doesn’t come easily to most: it is often fraught with difficult decision-making, balancing expectations, nervousness about organising and then hosting a really important event, and also anxiety over being the centre of attention for a day. These challenges are not insignificant, and so of course can be exacerbated by the neuro-divergent brain. Some of the biggest hurdles for people with ADHD to overcome are procrastination and staying focussed – both essential to planning a wedding.

How Planning a Wedding can pose Unique Challenges for Couples with ADHD:

1. Organising and managing details: Wedding planning involves managing a lot of details, from the guest list to the venue to the catering. Couples with ADHD may struggle to keep track of all of these details and may find it overwhelming to stay organized.
2. Staying on task: With so many tasks involved in wedding planning, it can be difficult to stay on task and complete things in a timely manner. This can lead to stress and anxiety as the wedding date approaches.
3. Making decisions: Planning a wedding involves making a lot of decisions, from the colours and theme to the menu and music. Couples with ADHD may struggle with decision-making and may feel overwhelmed by the many choices involved.
4. Managing time: Wedding planning requires a lot of time management, from scheduling appointments to completing tasks on a timeline. Couples with ADHD may struggle to manage their time effectively and may find themselves falling behind on tasks.
5. Communication: Communication is key in any relationship, but it is especially important when planning a wedding. Couples with ADHD may struggle to communicate effectively with each other, leading to misunderstandings and stress.

How to Overcome the Challenges of ADHD when Planning Your Wedding

Each of these are expanded below, but people with ADHD often benefit from having a short, simple list to work through, so here’s 5 key Ways to Overcome ADHD when Wedding Planning:

1. Consider Hiring a Wedding Planner + Using a Wedding Planner Book
2. Delegate as Much as Possible
3. Set a Date (Deadlines are your friend)
4. Assign and incentivise yourself a few tasks each month
5. Take your time with the Budget (and any big-budget items)

Consider a Wedding Planner + Wedding Planner Book

The first thing to consider is whether your budget can stretch to include a wedding planner.
Although a professional planner is not a necessity, if you are feeling extremely anxious about planning your wedding, it might be worth the investment.

Personally, I did not hire a wedding planner, but I did spend six months following my wedding designing what I believe is the most simple, user-friendly wedding planner book – especially for people with ADHD. Additionally, couples with ADHD can use journaling as a strategy to stay organized, focused, and on track – I’ll explain more about this at the bottom of this post for those interested.

Delegate as Much as Possible

If it’s not within your wedding budget to hire someone to help plan your wedding, but you don’t believe you can do it on your own, then you can either seek out close friends or family to delegate to. If you are having a Wedding Party, then be very mindful of who to choose as your bridesmaids or groomsmen – of course you want your nearest and dearest by your side, but it will certainly be an advantage to have a friend or family member who is invested in helping you stay organised.

Set a Wedding Date, and Deadlines along the way

Although people with ADHD are brilliant procrastinators, we also benefit from having deadlines. Once you have a date set, you should find it much easier to stay motivated, and importantly get those to-do’s ticked off!

To be able to set a date, consider the season you wish to get marry in, including perhaps where you wish to honeymoon, if planning to set off right after; how long you will need to save and budget for your Big Day; and the demand for the area in which you want to marry. Some destinations, such as those with a small pool of wedding vendors, will book up earlier, and therefore you may need to consider whether you have time to secure all wedding vendors for your ideal date.

Divide tasks month-by-month, and incentivise yourself to complete them

Personally, I couldn’t stand to look at a checklist with 50 things listed. Instead, once I’d set my wedding date, I set timelines and deadlines according to when each needed to be completed (I will of course procrastinate right up until that deadline). So, divide tasks month-by-month, and incentivise yourself to complete them.

If you have ADHD, you may notice that your to-do’s fall into ‘now or not now‘ categories and you can only manage to tick off a task if it is literally due right now (anytime later is ‘not now’ and easy to put off). Planning, and especially wedding planning, is certainly a ‘not now’ task, and one that is prone to being forgotten about. Although it may feel like something you can procrastinate from doing, actually, a lot of those wedding to-do’s are due now, because if not organised in time, you will miss out on the best wedding vendors to bring your day together.

I later incorporated this idea within the wedding planner book I designed – as I recently wrote for Stuff.co.nz, “I didn’t realise at the time, but I was designing a wedding planner book to perfectly suit people with ADHD“

Budget Carefully (No Impulsive Spending!)

One thing people with ADHD often struggle with is impulsivity, and when it comes to your wedding budget, and spending on big-budget items, there is just no room for buying on impulse. Looking back at my own spending, I can now see that ordering an extremely expensive wedding dress, without even having the ability to see it in person (let alone try it on) was most-likely caused by my ADHD-impulsiveness. I’ve shared our wedding budget breakdown before – and in hindsight, spending 20% on a single item was a little foolish (and also what can happen if you’re not careful).

Discuss your wedding budget with your partner, and break down what you are both comfortable spending on each aspect of your wedding. Certainly don’t commit to any big-budget items without being on the same page.

Once you have completed these 5 steps, depending on how long you have until your wedding, you can begin the 12 Month Countdown to Your Wedding, or head to our Wedding Planning Guides & Checklists.

& Finally, Journaling to Aid Wedding Planning

Here are some tips for using journaling to help with wedding planning:

1. Use a wedding planning journal: This can be a physical journal or a digital one, depending on your preference.
2. Use your journal to track details: Use your journal to keep track of all the details involved in wedding planning. Write down the guest list, vendor contacts, and important deadlines.
3. Set goals and create a timeline: Use your journal to set goals for wedding planning and create a timeline for completing tasks. Break down larger tasks into smaller, more manageable ones to make them less overwhelming.
4. Brainstorm and make decisions: Use your journal to brainstorm ideas for the wedding, and write down your decisions as you make them. This can help you stay organized and keep track of what has been decided.
5. Reflect and communicate: Take time to reflect on your progress in your wedding planning journal, and communicate with your partner about any challenges or concerns you may have. Use your journal as a tool to improve communication with your partner and stay on the same page throughout the planning process.

Ultimately, the best wedding planner book for you will depend on your individual needs and preferences. The way I designed the little white book can be a great fit for couples with ADHD. The simple and intuitive layout, along with the integrated checklists throughout the journal, can help keep wedding planning organised and focused without becoming overwhelming.