Tag: pregnancy advice

A journey of hurt, grief and desperation to be parents. We have sat down with a very brave woman to tell her story about her journey with IVF since finding out she had cancerous cysts resulting in removing her ovary’s.

“Watching my friends go through having children so easily pains me, watching other people going through IVF and being unsuccessful pains me also. I wanted so badly to be a mother and now its been ripped away from me and I never had a choice in the matter.”

Your family

My Husband and I live with a very cute Beagle and have been married for 8 years. I am 29 and he is 30. I have a passion for helping people and I love Dogs. My Husband works in IT and enjoys motorbikes and the odd DIY job.

Journey to conceiving

When did you decide you would start to try to conceive?

Initially when I was 24 we decided I would go to the doctor and see what I needed to do healthwise to be in the best position to have a baby. I wanted to be responsible and be the healthiest I could be before we started trying. At this stage there was nothing to suggest we would have any difficulty.

What was your experience trying to conceive naturally, if you were able to try this way? How long did you try for before seeking help?

Unfortunately, we were not able to try naturally. At my doctors appointment it was suggested I go for a scan as when I was a teenager I had my appendix removed and during the procedure they saw evidence I had a cyst that had burst near my ovary (completely normal for most young women, they come and go often, you would never know you had one). 

At this scan they found a 10x9x9cm complex cyst. I was referred to a Gynaecologist to investigate further.

I had my first surgery to remove the cyst and biopsy it. During the removal they had to take majority of my left ovary with it and that is when discussions of IVF egg collection were first started- it may be a possibility if we need in the future. The biopsy showed I had borderline ovarian tumours. These are a strange type of tumour that are not benign and can turn full blown cancerous at the drop of a hat. This was really disturbing and scary news for us to take.

During the tumour removal surgery they do a pelvic wash to check for any abnormalities and it showed that there were indeed more abnormalities.

I went back for a check up and more scans and blood tests. For my blood tests my cancer markers were checked and they came back elevated. When we scanned my abdomen we found more tumours had grown. This time on both left and right ovary.

I went back in for another surgery which resulted in more loss of ovary tissue.

Now was the time for emergency IVF egg collection to try to preserve fertility. I went through 2 rounds of egg collection. The first we managed to get 6 embryos through to maturity, however, my Husband has a genetic heart condition and as we were eligible for public funding for the IVF we were not able to use these 6 embryos as they had all tested positive for the heart condition.

The second round of egg collection yielded 10 embryos, however 8 had the genetic heart condition.

We were able to freeze 2 embryos for use after I was given the all clear from my Oncologist and Gynaecologist.

I ended up needing 3 further surgeries resulting in the loss of both ovaries, tubes and an organ called the omentum. I had a scar vertically down my abdomen approx. 15cm long that had 23 staples. The last surgery was in 2020 when I was 27 years old.

How and when did you discover that you would have to have an embryo transfer to be able to conceive?

This was in July 2020 when I needed to have my remaining ovary removed. I had known for most of that year that It may be an option but it did not make it any easier when time came to take my remaining ovary. I felt like a failure as I was never going to be able to conceive the way regular people do.  I know that I am not a failure but in my weak times I cant help still but to feel this way.

How long was this process, was it invasive, did you feel supported? Is there any advice you would give to people who were going to undertake this procedure?

For me this process was 5 years. I was so lucky to have a wonderful family and friend support system but also a work support system. My Specialists have been amazing as well and are always happy to assist me in whatever I may need.

This process was very hard not only for myself but for my Husband too. If I was to give any advice it would be to communicate your needs and feelings. If you don’t know what you need then let your partner or family know that. There were times when I was so consumed with fear or guilt or mental anguish, I told my husband I didn’t know what I needed and I couldn’t function properly that day. He would take that as a cue to organize dinner and to call friends or family or just to bring me a blanket, put on a cute movie and come cuddle me.

This is not supposed to be an easy process and you are allowed to feel terrible at times. Just know that there are people around to support you and sometimes you need to let them know you need or want help.

How long did you have to wait after the procedure to know if you have been successful? Having found out that it hadn’t been successful, what options were you given? How did you deal with the news?

I recently had both embryo transfers and found out both were unsuccessful. As you can imagine I had a big fat ugly cry the instant I found out. Then I went through different stages of grief.

I am currently trying to assess which direction my future will go in now that the idea of kids in it has disappeared.

The wait time after the procedure is 2 weeks, you have a blood test which detects levels of HCG in your system ( this indicates if you are in the early stages of pregnancy or not). Both times no HCG was detected for me. This was really disheartening as I had a great uterine thickness at time of transfer and the grades of my embryos were also great, my hormone levels had been checked before and were all of good levels too. My specialist has no conclusive evidence as to why the embryos failed to implant.

The options going forward are very slim. I will have to use donor eggs if we want to proceed. We would want to use my Husbands sperm but due to his condition we would need to test each individual embryo for it. This comes at a great cost per embryo plus the cost of IVF in general (we no longer qualify for public funding as we used up our 2 rounds). We are currently deciding if it is a good decision to throw upwards of 30k on this with the likelihood we will come out with no embryos to use.

I am still processing this news, it physically pains me every day and I feel like I am grieving for a future that is now not possible. Watching my friends go through having children so easily pains me, watching other people going through IVF and being unsuccessful pains me also. I wanted so badly to be a mother and now its been ripped away from me and I never had a choice in the matter.

Planning for the future, have you been able to make a decision with your partner about next steps? What options are open to you? How are you feeling about continuing your journey to become parents?

We still have not made a decision about next steps. It is such an emotional and financial drain on us not to mention the physical side I have been through and will continue to go through if we proceed.

There are still some options but we need to decide if they are right for us, such as embryo donation (where both of us would not have a biological link to the child but I would still carry it), and as mentioned before the egg donation but with us needed to check every embryo for the genetic heart condition (approx. and extra $1200 per embryo on top of IVF costs).

I am now wondering if we will not be parents and maybe we should put our energy elsewhere? But I still want to be a mother and know I could provide a wonderful life to a child.

Is there any other advice you would like to give, or any other part of your experience that you would like to share?

You are not alone. No its not easy and its ok to be sad.

There are a lot of support groups out there.

I know people think they are helping when they say “just relax- it will all work out”, “We can totally see you with a child one day”, “My friend went through IVF and they had a baby once they stopped with all the IVF stuff” – don’t persecute them for this.

This stuff is not talked about enough, they don’t understand and they don’t know what to say to be supportive. If you can explain to them how you feel and what you need then it will make it easier for them and for you.

It can be really easy to get stuck inside your own head, I know I do. Try to take some time away from social media and get in some exercise or fresh air. Go and do something that will totally distract you from all those emotions momentarily. But if you need then use resources such as councillors to help you come to terms with these feelings.

I would love to say this experience has made me stronger but to be honest I think my tolerance for handling shit has become so much more. These last 5 years have been exhausting and terrifying but it has made me really enjoy the little things and not take anything for granted. My husband and I are so much closer and we know we can take anything thrown at us. We don’t want this to consume our lives because if we cant have children we will only have each other for the rest of our lives so we need to enjoy it.

If this has helped you, would you consider sharing your story to help others too? Please submit your details through this form. Whether your story is about trying to conceive, pregnancy, surrogacy, loss or parenthood, we would love to hear from you.

It’s only now that I look back on my pregnancy, labour, and – perhaps most especially – the ‘fourth trimester’ (three months postpartum) that I truly appreciate how staying fit and healthy helped me along that journey. I’ve had a lot of messages on my personal instagram about ‘bouncing back’ (a term I dislike, as it was so not like that in real life) and also continue to be asked about my journey with F45 while pregnant, as well as the choice to return to exercise just a few weeks after having Teddy.

I should start by saying, I did not experience severe morning sickness during my first trimester, but I was completely and utterly exhausted from the sixth week of pregnancy, right the way through to the 41st. From around the 25th week, I also experienced severe Sacroiliac (SI) joint pain pain and saw a physio once a week. However, I was still able to exercise in some way, almost every day of my pregnancy, and was at F45 right until the day I went into labour.

I recognise that this is due in part to having had a lot of flexibility in my daily routine – I work for myself, but didn’t actually get a lot of work done during my pregnancy – I managed to keep my body active, more than my brain! The one thing I did achieve during that time was to create a detailed, thoughtful and developmentally appropriate pregnancy journal, which has subsequently gone on to be one of my biggest sellers, and I receive really wonderful feedback on it. If it interests you to have a keepsake of your pregnancy, or you’re interested in the benefits of journalling, have a look at made with love.

F45 While Pregnant

I have earlier detailed my first and second trimesters at F45 earlier, so this will focus on the third and ‘fourth’ trimesters. I’m sure a lot of people will say that I did too much, or returned too early (I am sure of this because they message me to tell me…) but I was cleared by a Women’s Health Physio to do so. I know I found it all a lot ‘easier’ than any other article on pregnancy or postpartum fitness would have me believe it was, and so I hope I can inspire others that it isn’t impossible. This is the main reason for sharing my own fitness and F45 pregnancy/postpartum journey online – to dispel the idea (and fear) that it’s impossible.

Honestly, I don’t know why I found it easier – besides possibly the flexibility I had with work, so that I could make it a priority. Every body is different, but I certainly don’t think mine has any super powers over any other. Sometimes, I think those who find it ‘easy’ are afraid to say so, for fear of judgment, being accused of showing off, or making others (those who don’t find it easy) uncomfortable.

Well, I’m willing to take those risks, to continue to be honest about my journey, and I hope it will encourage others to do the same. Fitness has always been part of my life, and in the past I’ve even over-done it, so during my pregnancy and postpartum journey, I was really mindful of my body’s limitations and the health of my baby, while also feeling amazing, fit and strong. If you’re exercising well into your second and third trimester, make sure to also look at Best Maternity Pants and Pregnancy Clothing – it made such a difference to me staying comfortable while exercising.

Third Trimester: F45 Adaptations, and lots and lots of walking…

I think it’s important, no matter what stage of your pregnancy (or postpartum) you are at, to remember the ‘why’ rather than just the ‘how’. In my opinion, it’s not just about how to adapt an F45 workout, or whatever exercise you are doing, to suit your body’s current capabilities, but also why you are making those changes, and of coursewhy you are continuing to exercise at all.

Certainly, during pregnancy, and especially during your third trimester, you’re not likely to be trying to increase your ‘personal best’, get fitter, faster or stronger. You’re not trying to lose weight or even tone up. My mindset had to completely change during pregnancy – I needed to stop being competitive (with myself or others) and completely surrender my body to the changes it needed to make. Instead, I wanted to allow my body to stay as fit and strong as it possibly could, while growing another little person inside it.

In my third trimester, this was especially so, because that little person was no longer feeling so little. My husband is 6’4 and I’m only 5’5, and as our midwife told us all along, we had quite a tall baby on board. I’d already reduced the intensity of my exercise significantly (goodbye box-jumps and burpees!), stopped anything with a falling risk (i.e. assisted pull-ups) and stopped lying on my stomach (obviously!) but the third trimester also saw me slow right down when it came to any cardio exercise. During my second trimester I was still able to do 9 cardio classes and 15 ‘mixed’ strength/cardio classes over the three months. During my third trimester I did almost no cardio classes, and the mixed strength/cardio classes I did do, I adapted so that they were almost completely strength based.

On the mixed days I would substitute exercises such as box jumps for step ups, and jumping lunges for plié lunges. Burpees became burpee walk-outs, and any running or jumping became resistant band lateral walks or wall sits. Late in pregnancy it is also advisable not to spend too long lying on your back, so I would also modify any of those exercises . At 31 weeks pregnant I filmed my entire work out and saved it to my baby on board highlight on Instagram so have a look at that here (it’s around half way through the highlight).

Weight wise: during my third trimester, quite honestly I felt so sick eating any more than half of a meal, or eating any fatty food. This, combined with my continued F45 journey actually resulted in me putting on no more weight than I had by the end of the second trimester. I kept asking my midwife whether that was okay and she assured me that it was.

Obviously my baby was going to weigh a lot less than 10 kg, which I had already gained, so she wasn’t at all worried that I wasn’t getting any heavier. The bump did continue to grow a little.

If you did have a look at my story highlight above, you’ll be able to see how big my bump was right at the end, as I pulled up my maternity activewear over the huge sphere. That was almost 41 weeks pregnant. I went into labour later that day.

View this post on Instagram

Happy due date baby, feel free to join us at your own convenience… ⌛️??????? #40weekspregnant

A post shared by Megan Hutchison ? (@meghutchison_) on May 25, 2019 at 2:06pm PDT

As well as continuing to enjoy F45 right until the end of that last week, we also went on lots and lots of walks – especially as I heard that they could help to induce labour when your body was ready. Apparently mine wasn’t, as even five days of acupuncture in the last week seemed to have no effect on my body. However, of course, when Teddy was well and ready he made it known he was ready to come out.

I can’t say for sure whether my level of fitness had any bearing on my birth, but I do like to think that it did help me to maintain the stamina and strength it takes to push a baby out, especially after hours and hours of intense and regular contractions.

The Fourth Trimester

I don’t miss my pregnancy at all… how could I miss having Teddy on the inside when I love him so much on the outside? However, I do already miss the ‘fourth trimester’ and we’re only just out of it. The fourth trimester describes a time when your baby is adjusting to their time outside the womb – and as a Mother you’re still adjusting to that too. I spent most of the fourth trimester holding, carrying or ‘wearing’ my baby, and indulging in letting him feed to sleep, or just fall asleep on me. I risked making a ‘rod for my own back’ by teaching him ‘bad’ habits, but it was worth it to enjoy every moment (and he’s since learned to self-settle and re-settle, so I think we are okay – touch wood).

The only time I actually took away from Teddy was to go to F45. It’s four minutes’ drive from my house, so it was less than an hour away, and usually when he was asleep. Many people (perhaps even many of you) will say that I was in too much of a hurry to return – doing so at four weeks postpartum – but I took professional advice and I know my body was ready.

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Finishing off this morning’s workout with a little “body weight” exercise ????

A post shared by Megan Hutchison ? (@meghutchison_) on Jul 31, 2019 at 4:52pm PDT

Before recommencing exercise I saw a women’s health physio, and also spoke to my midwife, and felt very comfortable with my decision. That didn’t stop the warnings from others (unqualified others, might I add) – telling me I’d wreck my pelvic floor, if not do other damage to my body by returning to exercise. Well… he’s 18 weeks now, I haven’t peed myself yet, and so far everything else is working okay. I could feel a small gap in my abs (diastasis recti), or what was left of my ‘abs’, but that seems to have completely healed.

My current exercise looks like this most weeks:

1 x f45 cardio
2 x f45 strength
1 x f45 mixed (‘Hollywood’)
3-4 x outdoor walks with the dogs

I eased my way into it – I wasn’t doing any box jumps my first week back, that’s for sure, but after about four weeks (so, eight weeks postpartum) I felt totally back to ‘normal’ and was able to participate in all workouts, albeit possibly with a little less gusto than I used to. I definitely started off a lot less fit, but that was totally expected after a year without much cardio exercise. However, it was definitely a lot ‘easier’ than any article on postpartum fitness would have me believe. This was also the case for my pregnancy exercise, and the main reason for sharing my own fitness and F45 pregnancy journey online – to dispel the idea that it’s impossible.

I don’t know why I found it easier. Every body is different, but I certainly don’t think mine has any super powers over any other. Fitness has always been part of my life, and in the past I’ve even over-done it, so during my pregnancy and postpartum journey, I was really mindful of this, and I know I’ve done the right thing for me. I’m writing this to answer questions which are asked of me all the time, but I would never advise anyone to just blindly follow what I did. There are many specialised personal trainers and physiotherapists who can give you specific advice and let you know whether you can follow a similar pregnancy or postpartum fitness regime.

Looking back now, I’m really glad I prioritised exercise, as I believe it did help me with postpartum recovery, and also to retain a sense of independence, as I took a break from the chaos of newborn life to exercise when I could. Wishing you all the best for your pregnancy journey and recovery. We have an amazing wealth of pregnancy articles of the experiences of other women, which I encourage you to read through.