Creating a shared account can be scary; firstly, you need to share your current situation, your spending habits, budget and expectations with your partner and they need to share theirs with you. There will be things that you can justify to spend your money on and things you don’t justify spending money on. There may be arguments about what to spend and what to save, but the main thing is that communication is happening and you talk about your expectations beforehand so no spending habits come as a shock to either of you.
There will be times when you want it, don’t want it or are too tired to even think about it. There will be arguments over who is doing most of the work, to wanting it more or wanting it less. There are going to be things you like and things you dislike but dealing with these is as simple as talking and coming up with solutions. If you are too tired at night when you get home, make some time in the morning for a sunrise special. If you feel as though you are doing all the work, tell them what you want and make it into a game or if you are too damn tired, make them a sexy voucher for the weekend.
Even though you’re with your partner because they are your best friend and it’s all new and exciting so you want to spend all the time together, that can also end up being a big source of arguments. Typically, one person wants to spend more time with the other, making sure you make quality time together and with friends and family keeps a balance in the relationship and allows you both to appreciate the time you have together without it leading to more arguments.
It is said that getting too comfortable or familiar breeds contempt. After getting in shape and being healthy all the time leading up to your wedding you may want to take some time off, you may miss a couple trips to the gym and before you know it you aren’t even someone you recognise. Health is essential not just physically but mentally too, make sure you are eating the right foods for your body and find a workout you enjoy. You could even make the workouts fun together; like hiking or dance classes. Or go with friends for some Zumba and a catch-up, whatever it is, make sure you are having fun and it’s something you can stick to because health is important.
Rushing into things is another cause of arguments: whether or not to have them, when to have them, cost of them, logistics of them and the constant talking about them. Make sure you take a moment to reflect on the time you have with your partner, because once a kid comes it’s going to be all about them – so enjoy the now and enjoy being together. Remember you chose them for a reason, so make sure they know how much you love them and don’t just want them for their offspring.
After all the buzz of the wedding has worn off there are real world things like washing, cleaning, taking the trash out, leaving the toilet seat down all the little things that make you snap. Although one of you may be feeling like you are doing more than the other, it’s important that you come up with a sort of schedule or even create chore days or afternoons where you both work together. Clean the cars, clean the oven and make it fun by listening to music, dancing around the house and helping each-other out.
Even though the honeymoon period wears off and you’ve settled back into your routine, some couples still want the romance that they have gotten used to. If you always planned romantic surprise dates, or got your girl flowers on your way home from work then keep doing these little things. The little things matter, and can always brighten up someone’s day so keep doing whatever it is that got you to where you are: obviously something worked.
Sometimes there is no rational reason for why people get jealous, suddenly you feel that familiar bubble in your tummy, that uneasy feeling or maybe your partner is still really close with his ex or something doesn’t sit right and out it comes. Talking this through with your partner or friends can really help, don’t let it bottle up inside or after a couple of wines it’s sure to come out in the worst possible way. But also remember to consider their feelings – don’t act up or act like your single, treat your partner the way you want to be treated.
With two sets of in-laws and family commitments to factor in there is always a potential for an argument to blossom in the yearly holiday chats. To avoid these awkward moments make sure you evenly spread time between the two families and yourselves, it’s important that you two get relaxing alone time as well as seeing your family and friends. Rotating Christmas yearly or rotating holidays sometimes work, but make sure you are both happy and on the same page.
Suddenly your married, you have another person to think about, to care about and after a couple months of happy marriage, you realise that you have no space. You can’t just go to your room eat ice cream and watch movies, tell your partner that, the main thing is communication. I’m sure they’ll be happy to head to a friends house if you want to have a night in. Make sure you also understand their signs when they need space. Let them hang with their friends or go out on their own. Having independence is a good thing so that you remember who you are and what makes you happy.